On Wednesday of last week at Southlake Mall in the Atlanta suburb of Morrow, Georgia, a disgruntled elf threatened to “@#$% up Christmas,” according to Santa Claus.
Upset with working conditions and Claus’ authoritarian management style, the crazy-eyed elf freaked Claus out when he brandished a Zippo lighter and a festive fur-trimmed bag allegedly containing dynamite.
When the trap door Claus normally uses to dispose of insubordinate or under-performing employees failed to release, Claus screamed like a girl and reported elf number 157 to authorities who restrained and subdued the elf with large injection of Ketamine.
A bomb squad investigation later determined there were no explosives in the elf’s bag, but he was detained and charged with making terrorist threats and attempted murder for trying to induce a heart attack in the overweight Claus. An anonymous source at the Morrow police department confirmed that Elf number 157 is being held at a CIA black site in Latvia and will be tried later this week by military tribunal.
Claus was praised for his heroism and will be honored with a ticker-tape parade this Friday in Atlanta.
Read the AJC’s story HERE.
